Today I saw where 3 years ago, my mom and I went shopping in Memphis for a dress to my sorority's formal. I think back to this day often. It was our last shopping trip ever. If I would have known that was the last time I would ever take a shopping trip with that woman, I would have never left.
I was somewhat unaware of how bad off mom was. My parents kept a lot of Mom's diagnoses a secret from my brother and me, because they did not want us to worry. So when I asked my mom to join me on an all day trip to the Memphis Mall to shop for a dress, I didn't realize how much of an obstacle this was for her until she passed away just a few months later.
Of course she said yes. She never would have said no. And that's the thing about mother's. They really do anything and everything for their kids. I vividly remember her trailing behind me and being short of breath, I remember her saying "we will have to get a wheel chair." I remember pushing her all over the mall, telling her the whole time we could leave, but she never would.
I remember our meal at the Macaroni Grill. This is one of the last conversations I remember having with her. We were talking about when I have kids someday. I remember telling her that I would be the type of mom who wouldn't leave her kids with just any baby sitter. I remember her saying to me, well who are you gonna get to watch your kids when you need a date night? And I remember so confidently saying, "you!" The look on her face after I said that, said it all. I knew what she was thinking, and she knew that I knew, too. She was thinking about how she wouldn't be there.
Later that day we found a dress. It took hours, because I am who I am and I can never make up my mind. She saw every dress on me, gave her honest opinion, and helped me find that dress. I remember her saying, "that's the one." That day always makes me think and imagine what it would be like if she could be there when I pick out my wedding dress someday in the future.
The car ride home, was nothing short of perfect. I got yelled at the whole time for my driving - no surprise there. It was a day I will never forget.
What I realized today is that the last gift my mom gave me wasn't that dress. The last gift she gave me was that day. That day when she felt terrible, but went with me anyway. When three weeks later, she was unable to get out of bed. She was in so much more pain than I ever knew, but she did it for me anyways. She always did anything for me anyways. Thank you , Momma for everything you ever did and everything you still somehow manage to do. I love you.
